Did You Find Him Or Did He Find You?
by aprylynn
Summary: Kensi finally hangs up her gun, for good. References to"Imposters" (episode 2x23).


A Very Happy Birthday to Hermionesmydawg. This is my gift to you. Thank you so much for being my fangirl friend. I hope you have an amazing day :)

Thank you to Rebecca (YourSmileLaughEverything) for being my ever-willing and supportive beta reader :)

As always, I still own nothing.

* * *

_"The job. The importance of what we do, the excitement of doing it. It makes it very difficult to give up. When the day comes for you to hang up your gun- And it will. You're going to wanna come home to something more than a collection of antique weapons."_

_"Unfortunately, most of the guys that I meet are trying to shoot me, so..."_

_"Not to worry. Sometimes you find them, sometimes they find you. You just have to keep your eyes open."_

* * *

Kensi was standing in the armory, remembering a conversation with Hetty from years ago. Today it was especially on her mind.

Today was her last day at NCIS.

She placed her hands on her growing belly and chuckled to herself.

At that time, she didn't believe Hetty. She didn't believe that anything would make her want to walk away from this job. Meeting someone, falling in love, starting a life and a family together... this just wasn't for her.

She had tried to have that kind of life. Jack was someone she wanted to grow old with... but when he left, so did all her plans and her dreams. She made herself believe that she was destined for something different, a life where she didn't depend on anybody. Where she would stay behind her own protective walls and be safe.

Safe. She realized that her definition of that word was kind of ridiculous. She had no problem having a career as a federal agent. Chasing violent criminals and terrorists. Being in shoot-outs and car chases. Putting her life on the line everyday to make a difference in the world. What's the worst thing that could happen to her? Getting killed in the line of duty? Strangely enough, this didn't seem so frightening.

But the idea of letting someone else in, only to have them disappear... that was something she didn't think she could ever survive again.

For years, she thought she was content. She loved her job. She took pride in the fact that she was good at it. Each case solved gave her a sense of accomplishment. She considered her co-workers practically family. Sam and Callen were the two older brothers she never had. Hetty was more than just her boss. She was someone she admired. Someone she strived to be like.

As time went on, she began to realize that the life she built for herself within these walls was not really what she wanted at all. Loneliness was the price she paid for protecting herself. All her accomplishments, all the good she was doing, all the people she liked at work... none of this really made her feel fulfilled at the end of the day (She was fully aware of this by the time she had that conversation with Hetty about going home to more than antique weapons. It hit her harder than she wanted to admit).

She continued on this way, because there was no one who made her realize that the cost was too high. She may not have been completely happy... but at least she was safe.

But life is funny sometimes. It has a tendency of surprising her in ways that she could never imagine. Just when she thought she had everything figured out... she thought she had made peace with her solitude... she got a new partner.

Deeks was everything she didn't want in a partner. He got under her skin and he knew it (which made him even more infuriating). She wondered how she could ask Hetty to get rid of him, but she knew that was pointless. She was set on having this LAPD detective as part of their team so Kensi might as well accept it.

Somewhere along the lines, this infuriating LAPD detective became someone she couldn't imagine life without. He was someone she knew would never leave her. Someone who would always come through for her when she needed him.

Both of them had been hurt before and had their share of baggage that they brought along. But he proved that he would stay by her even when she would push him away. And she proved that she would do the same for him.

Finally at the time when they were both ready, she realized that the lonely safe life she was living was just not worth it.

Unlike that day with Hetty years ago, she no longer saw all of this as an impossibility. Now she was hanging up her gun for good and what she had to come home to was something really great.

She was brought out of her reminiscing when she heard him approach. He stood behind her and slid his arms around her, resting his hands on her stomach. He kissed her neck as she placed her hands on his.

"There you are, mama. Your party is about to start."

"Don't call me that. It's creepy."

"Well, you'll have to get used to it eventually."

"Yeah, but not from you."

Deeks laughed and tightened his grip around her. "What are you doing in here? Are you alright?"

"Yeah... I was just thinking about things. I can't believe this day is here. I can't believe I'm really doing this."

"You reconsidering retirement?"

She shook her head. "Not at all."

She was ready. She was ready to give him a family and the chance to be a better father than his own. She had every confidence that he would be. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't nervous. As always, he picked up on the insecurity that he heard in her voice.

"Are you sure?"

She turned around in his arms and rested her head on his shoulder. Over the years, this... being in his arms... had become her new definition of safe.

"It's pretty scary though, isn't it?"

"We've been through some pretty scary stuff before."

"Yeah, but not like this. I have no idea what I'm doing. We've read all these books, but I don't really know how to take care of a baby. I don't know how to be a mom."

"Kensi, you don't have to worry any of that."

"Why? Do you have all this figured out?"

"Hell no! I have no idea what I'm doing either."

"Well, that makes me feel a lot better."

"Listen, what I do know is that we will figure it out together."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Of course I do. In fact, I know I can figure anything out."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Is that so?"

"I figured out how to get you to fall in love with me, didn't I?"

"You figured it out? I think I had something to do with it too."

"Okay, I'll give you that one. But I was definitely the one who figured out how to get you to agree to marry me."

"Yes, against my better judgement."

"Hey, you said 'I do.' You can't take it back. Now you're stuck with me forever."

She leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on his jaw. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather be stuck with than you."

"You say the sweetest things, mama."

She shook her head and scrunched her face. "I'm going to have to get used to you calling me that, aren't I?"

He gave her a mischievous grin that she loved so much. "Looks that way."

She brought her hands up and rested them on his chest and smiled at him. "Hey, do you remember that makeup brush that Hetty gave me years ago?"

"How could I forget? I almost put my own eye out with that thing. You and Hetty can't have anything normal. It has to also be a weapon or a bomb or something holding the secrets of the universe."

"Of course. Who wants a makeup brush just for putting makeup on?"

"Someone boring, that's who."

"Anyway, right before you walked in, we were talking and she actually told me this day would come for me. I didn't quite believe her at the time. I thought that I'd be content doing this job as long as I was able."

"So..." He leaned down and gave her a sweet lingering kiss. "Hetty told you that you'd fall head over heels in love with me... and give birth to our own little ninja assassin?"

She laughed. "Not in those words... but yes. She did."

He gently brushed his hand on her face and cupped her cheek. "You know what, Kens? I'm nervous, too. No, that's a lie. I'm downright terrified. But I couldn't be happier to be going on this adventure with you."

Pregnancy hormones made it difficult to control the tears welling up in her eyes. Plus, she was so damn happy, she just didn't care to stop them.

"I love you," she whispered to him.

"I love you, too." He pressed his lips to hers, running his hand through her hair. She wrapped her arms around is neck as they deepened the kiss. They were so lost in each other that they didn't hear Sam and Callen enter the room.

"Hey, I definitely remember there being a policy against PDA in the work place. Isn't that right, Sam?"

"Definitely. We may have to report you two."

Deeks laughed. "First of all, we're not on the clock. Second, Kensi doesn't officially work here anymore so I think we're in the clear."

"Well, I guess we can let it slide this time." Callen teased. "We're looking for the guest of honor. Your party is about to start, Kensi."

"I guess we can't keep them waiting anymore."

Sam placed his hand on Kensi's shoulder. "You ready for this?"

"For the party or for this?" She gestured towards her stomach.

Sam smiled. "Either one."

"Well, I don't know about the party because I don't think I'll make it through without crying. And as for this kid..." She looked up at Deeks and smiled. "I think we'll be just fine."

"Absolutely. Besides, if we get stuck, we can always ask Uncle Sam or Uncle Callen for help."

Callen held up his hands. "I'm not changing any diapers."

* * *

Kensi was right. She wasn't able to keep from crying, especially when saying good-bye to Nell. Eric tried reassuring them by saying that it wasn't really good-bye. They just wouldn't see each other everyday. That only made them cry even harder.

After things had quieted down, Kensi took a seat, exhausted yet happy. Hetty approached her and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Congratulations, Kensi. I'm sad to see you go, but I'm overjoyed for you and for what's to come."

"Thank you, Hetty. It's been a bittersweet day. I really hope I'm all cried out."

"So, I'm curious, my dear. Which way did it end up happening? Did you find him or did he find you?"

Kensi looked across the room in the direction of her husband and the father of her unborn child. As if he knew that he was the topic of conversation, he looked up and caught her eye. He smiled and winked at her. She couldn't help but laugh because she loved the way that he still didn't really know how to wink.

"I think it was a little bit of both."


End file.
